I havent written in awile. Sorry...

Too much stress right now...its somewhat unbearable...but then again..isnt my whole life like that? I suppose I can bring new meaning to the word unbearable, thanks to Jewish Natzi land, which has given new meaning to the words "stress", and "presure", and "asshole" and "oppression".


Oh yeah...last night an aunt of mine had a mental breakdown. She calls from some other part of massachusets and asks us to send a cab, becuase the people are watching her and if they see her getting picked up from the hospitol in a Natick cab, they wont know its her. She apparently is under the impression that she is a victim of some kind of huge massive identity theft, and that people are coming to get her and eliminate her so that thye can use her personality forever. We called her house, and were greeted by a message machine which said that she was a victim of severe identity theft, and it was all a severe and dire emergancy. She also said that she would be changing her phone number and email, and that anything we said could be monitered ior watched, and that we should all take that into consideration. Well, it looks like theres another fucking story about my family, in all its dysfunctional glory...
All well...

I think one day that I will simply come to school and be pissed off once more by the incesantly bitchy turtle bitch, and I will just take out some gasoline and a match and set her on fire. I thought about that today. Quite a bit more then most people would say is healthy, but then again, Im not the healthiest person ever to crawl arounf this earth..

*But Im just a product of my environment!*

gah...

All well...at least my outside life is going...better..

I miss so many people..and I feel this longing for everything that used to be. I wish I could go back to the summer, or even right before the summer. Back then, even natzi germany didnt seem so bad, and I still had my Acid..(The boy. Well, on second thought, the drug too. But the boy is my main concern at this point.) And I didnt have to deal with crumbling circles of friendships, or tempermental boys who say they love me, or the turtle bitch.

But theres no way to go back. Im stuck. How sad.

Well, on a brighter note, Elia brought me a hookah from Isreal. He says he bargained for it with an arab and got it for the american equivalent of 5 bucks. An amazing price, indeed. Its very pretty...it makes me hapy to think of it...I want to break it in soon..but I still dont have a name! No pipe or drug paraphanalia item of mine has gone without a name so far, and I will not strat now. Perhaps Maddox? I heart that name. Maybe something trippy, like Cataclysmic white rabbit...CWR for short...oh yes, its all about the acronyms...

and I really want to hurt the turtle bitch. Sorry to all the people that rad this, but right now Im about to go to on a turlte bitch rant. She talks to me today about a detention I shouldnt have gotten. I was lying in the corner near my locker curled up in the fetal position and shaking and spasaming and dying, and in the course of all this I missed math class, which I was too sick to go to anyhow. I didnt go to the nurse becuase she is quite senile and all she would do is give me some tea, and it wasnt worth my effort to get up from my fetal position corner. Unfortunaly, the next week I had a detention notice in my mailbox. I went to talk to the turtle bitch about it, and she told me to get my mother to call. I tried to make it clear to her that mother was in New York, but she refused to listen to me, and once again talked to me like I was some retarded crackbaby who couldnt hear her the first seventy thousand times when she asked me to get my mom to call. So finally, I gave up and let her give me the detention I shouldnt have gotten.

Then it occured to me that I have no fucking way of getting to Brookline at 7 oclock in the morning. I mean, honestly, what does that wrinkly turtle antichrist think Im capable of? flight? I cant really just materialize in brookline. I explained this to her, and she said that I should stay at a friends hosue. I then proceeded to ecplain that people dont just go to school at seven oclock. She then didnt have anything to say about that and told me to just find a way.

Way to advise, you bitch.

*sigh*

All in all, I am very very confused. The only thing Im sure of any more is that you cannot, under any circumstances, lick your elbow.

That and death..

Ok heres a poem..

Words to a hopeless optomistic:

you say
try not to be morbid
look up towards the sun
It shines with it’s determined happiness
so why cant you?
I say
if you look at the sun,
you will burn your eyes.

There was more, but I lost it. More poetry to come..